now i know what i mean

the only panic at the disco song, i think, that i will ever truly, truly love is nine in the afternoon.

so today was alternately a good and a sucky day. zimmerli was fun, a massive train of volunteers constantly changing water or getting paper or giving out paper towels while parents and children splattered out abstract cityscapes. afterwards, not so good. stood in front of my little brother's classroom for maybe half an hour, where i basically died of bored and then, when his class finally finished, he basically /ran out/ and i only had enough time to grab his jacket. D: and he refused to be good and just /stay in one place/, no he had to /run out into hte middle of the basketball game/ with me chasing him in dress shoes and the referee screeching on his whistle and just god.
i hope i never, ever, spawn. D: if i ever say i want a child please point me back to this entry. it will do me a world of good, i'm sure.

kitkat keeps sending me really really depressing rydon patd fic. like holy shit depressing. death! angst! unrequited love! what more could a girl ask for?
it did amuse me, however, to see the disclaimers. when you're writing fanfic about a book or a tv series or a manga you say 'these characters do not belong to me'. when you write a fanfic about /real people/ you say 'this is only a product of my sick, sick imagination and did not actually happen. no matter how much i wished it did'.
god.
so i ended up staying up until 3am alternately reading patd fic and a large quantity of dumb PWPs and fruitytooty BL manga so i didn't end up jumping out of the window out of sorrow/sympathy for the horrible endings everyone gets. man, when did the happi endo become out of fashion?
except now i have RUN OUT OF FIC AND BL MANGA. scary isn't it.
flipping through slashatthedisco 'cuz, uhm, i'unno man. i started out actually looking at the story summaries and ended up just going through to look at all the icons. because foozles is an icon whore /yes/. !

tomorrow is my interview for harvard and while i'm trying not to be too worried about it i still have that ohgodno feeling in my stomach. :<
ah hah hah hah hah.
i think, in a way, interviews are one of those things that, no matter how many times you go through one, you /never/ get used to it. the butterflies always come. the dry mouth. the slighty shaking. whether or not you manage to keep a hold on yourself is another story but that initial panic? is always gonna be there.
like performing on stage. D:
unfortunate things in life.

okay yeah you know what it is super late and i probably should get back to sleep.
or something.
uh yeah.

night.